More than 65 million people, 29% of the U. S. population,
provide care for a chronically ill, disabled or aged family member or find
during any given year and spend an average of 20 hours per week providing care
for their loved one. The value of the services family caregivers provide for “free,”
when caring for older adults, is estimated $375 billion a year. That is almost twice as much as is actually
spent on homecare and nursing home service combined (158 billion).
And to us the value is priceless, in the end for me caring
for him left me whole instead of my heart broken in a thousand pieces. If ever there was a time for a person to have
a love one there by your side cancer would be the disease. Family member’s visits, helping with taking
their love ones to appointment, advocating, visiting as much as possible making
every day count is what is important. Cancer
is not a kind disease; chemo in its battle to save your life can take away as
much as it gives. Understanding
medication, nutritional needs and the emotional toll on the patient (family member)
also for you is still another challenge.
To say this was easy would be an understatement because in
those month’s our goal was to extend our love one’s life but at the same time
we are given the opportunity to share last moments together that can never be
forgotten. I remember thinking to myself
this is not a movie where everything is oh so perfect in spite of the knowledge
I was going to lose my husband and best friend my thoughts was how am I going to do this.
Anger is part of the course for both of us why him? Why me? How is our family going to take the news? Why
did the doctors take so long to find the cancer? Then you go about the job of living with
cancer which consists of frequent clinic visits, chemo, blood drawings ,
medication, telling family, friends and tears.
There is no true moment when you may know when they have had
enough or they have accepted that they no longer want to continue chemo or any
of their treatments but they know. My
husband missed his chemo treatment because of Sandy but the last time he had
chemo he was good he didn’t need a shot to boost his immune system. But he told me even before he was not taking
any more chemo he was tired but he was reschedule for a chemo appointment anyway. He didn’t make it he went to the emergency
room because he was not feeling well.
When I was getting him ready to go to the doctor it was like he legs
give way I remember on the way to the hospital him telling me he was not coming
back home. I stayed with him overnight
for the last three days he spent in the hospital going home to change clothes
little by little the body shuts down and you have to make a decision about
quality of life versus being hooked up to machines because they will keep doing
what they want until you say stop.
Most important job for the caregiver is to listen, relative
usually tell us what they want whether we choose to listen or not. During my
husband last stay in the hospital the doctors kept trying to get him to sign
D&R or paper to make me responsible for making medical decisions if he
could not, he never signs them but as his legal wife I still had the right to
make those decisions. My husband told
me months ago if his heart stopped don’t bring him back or keep him hooked to
machines. He told me to go home that
last day he knew I needed a little time out from the hospital, I told myself I
was not going to stay that night but I was dressed waiting for my son to take
me back to the hospital he had just left after visiting his father with
his brothers and sister.
The phone rang that night and the doctor was on the phone
they had went to my husband room and he was non-responsive they were working on
him now but it did not look good. I called all of the family and raced to the
hospital when we got there he was hooked to a respirator. I thought he had died but he waited for me,
the doctor stated he was out too long, cancer was too advanced no matter what
he was not going to survive his cancer and most likely the blood clot he had on
his liver had moved and caused a stroke leaving him brain dead. My husband in the end left here surrounded
by love we prayed, we cried, we touched his warm hand and spoke to him and most
of all we let him go the way he wanted to leave this earth as only caregivers can
do because we listen.and we love to the end.
http://www.thefamilycaregiver.org/index.cfm
Caregiving
in the United States;
National Alliance for Caregiving in collaboration with AARP;obtained December 2012
National Alliance for Caregiving in collaboration with AARP;obtained December 2012
Evercare
Survey of the Economic Downturn and Its Impact on Family Caregiving;
National Alliance for Caregiving and Evercare obtained December 2012
National Alliance for Caregiving and Evercare obtained December 2012
